Today I Appreciate Mindless Task-Doing

I hate to admit it, but some days, there really is nothing better than just doing things that keep your body moving and prevent your brain from thinking too hard.

As much as I enjoy nourishing my brain (and, heck, I'm considering a profession where that's just about the only thing that is nourished appropriately), today was a day where I really didn't want think too much or too hard. So I didn't. I cleaned my apartment. I did laundry. I took another long run (here's to hoping this trend continues, right?). I mindlessly browsed through link after link on Facebook (as if this wasn't already one of your most-frequented webpages either). I read an excerpt from Google Books on how the Internet is changing the way we think (ironically enough. I suppose I'm a victim of this same kind of thinking!). I read nothing I didn't want to read today.

I'm trying to see this lack of commitment as refreshing. Is it sick/sad that after only a month of being out of school, I'm ready for school all over again? Perhaps it's because I don't know what else to expect. Perhaps I haven't had enough experience doing anything else to want to escape the structure of a classroom, but all of this freedom - I have to admit - is a bit overwhelming. I could do do SO MUCH, yet I seem to find myself paralyzed into not really doing a whole lot at all except for reading, reading, reading, and figuring out what's next. Maybe that's not such a bad thing and, indeed, that's probably what I should be doing right now. But I can't help but envy those with tidy internships/jobs, life-enriching planned vacations, or - O.K., another sick moment ahead - summer school.

I should probably stop before I hurt myself here, but this is what this blog is for, right? I am trying, after all, to appreciate all that's happening in my life no matter how hard it is to initially accept, right?

So, here I am quitting my belly-aching about having all the time in the world to do whatever I want. For most people, this would be a fantastic opportunity to really get to know one's self and discover who you really are. So from here on out, that's exactly what it will be for me, too. Here's the summer, where hopefully today's task-oriented mindlessness can be channeled into more of the baby steps I'm taking to tackle that thing known as becoming an adult.

Today I Appreciate Potential

My basil plant is growing. The stem leans towards the sunlight, absorbing, sucking up energy to get stronger and healthier. Needless to say, I'm a proud Basil Mommy. Of course, I'm not quite as proud of my own writing lately; sure, I've been attempting to learn towards my own proverbial sun, sucking up the energy of blogs and books and magazines (I officially subscribed to The New Yorker!), but while absorbing said sunlight, I have forgotten to "water" my writing energy daily and, as such, am still a seedling, and am not producing sweet pieces of writing like the large, sweet leaves of my basil plant.

OK, so this metaphor has probably gone a little too far already, but reflecting back upon this past year, I realize that I have missed out on a lot of opportunities to appreciate, truly appreciate, what's around me. From the time I've started this blog, I've made several changes to my life that I think have truly made me a healthier, happier, better person.

First, I've provided more time for me - just me - to relax. Of course, this is somewhat facilitated by the fact that I live by myself in a studio apartment (which is glorious), and I try to read something pleasurable every night before I go to bed to unwind.

I've also decided not to get frustrated when a particular interaction does not go the way I intended it. Rather than grasping and desperately hanging on to unsuccessful acquaintances/friendships/relationships, I try and let the weak connection pass, not attempting to make something fruitful our of something barren. That's not to say I've been dismissing all uncomfortable social interactions, blaming them on an intrinsic lack of connection that must be immediately eliminated, but I no longer waste energy on people that I know simply don't work with who I am. It's OK if not everyone likes me. Really.

With that said, however, I have refused to pass up novel situations. I try to talk to people, break through my initial insecurities about how others will perceive me, and ask questions. In my interview class, my instructor told us that when he is at cocktail parties, he plays a game with himself where he finds one person and tries to ask that person as many questions as possible before the person asks him something. I've tried to adopt the strategy for myself, and it has eased me into a somewhat more comfortable social state. That's not to say that I am - by any means- an any more socially comfortable person, but I've at least found an avenue through which I may be able to better understand people and take some more risks.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm not afraid of the potential for growth and change. I may still drag my feet on accomplishing certain tasks because I'm afraid of failure or I'm afraid of abandoning something and feeling disappointed with the final product, but I appreciate, today, that there's so much more potential for me to fulfill what I want to fulfill, find people who will truly fulfill me, and continue to live a more grateful and joy-filled life.

Here's to watering the writing spirit with hope, excitement, and possibility.